Ghosts
by rhead-a-holyc
Summary: Before Bellatrix lost her mind, she had wanted a daughter. Dark fic.


Bellatrix's hands uncharacteristically shook as she reached for the door. There was no sign that differentiated this door from any of the others that stood innocently on either side of it, but Bellatrix could tell that this door was different. She was drawn to it like she had been drawn to little else.

Her hand slipped off the doorknob as it was suddenly wet. Bellatrix drew her hand back, wanting to know what it was that was stopping her from opening the door this time. Her fingers came back a wet maroon in the half-darkness.

"Blood?" she whispered, startled. There was no reason for there to be blood on the door, or on her hands, for that matter. There weren't any bodies nearby. She hadn't heard any screams, any struggle. She hadn't harmed anyone, nor had anyone harmed her. There was no one there!

"Why…"

Bellatrix's eyes shot upwards, and she screamed.

Bolting upright, Bellatrix glanced around her dark room. There was no blood there, no bodies, and no… she shuddered. Her arms wrapped around herself unconsciously, as she slowly lay back down. The silencing charms she had cast earlier that night were still holding, she could feel them, and the bed beside her was still cold.

Rodolphus hadn't returned, then. He hadn't returned until early morning for weeks, usually with his breath smelling heavily of firewhiskey and barely able to walk straight. Bellatrix didn't understand it, but she didn't want him to know of her nightmares either. He seemed to be tense enough without it.

Bellatrix took a moment to wonder about her dream. It was one of many, and she didn't understand it. It seemed to have started for no reason. She hadn't done anything to deserve dreams like those.

Her eyelids shot open again as the vivid last image was still burned onto them. That was the only thing that was the same in every single dream. That…that _image_. It was always there, at the back of her mind, even while she was awake.

Despite trying to keep awake, her eyes began drooping. She had only gone to sleep two hours ago, after all, and she had even less sleep the previous night. Rudolphus wasn't expected for another three hours.

Bellatrix's body relaxed as she fell asleep again.

…xXx…

 _"Promise me you'll never do it?"_

 _A young girl of ten nodded her head frantically, glad for a moment of her mother's attention, as rare as it was, brown eyes wide as they met her mother's own pleading ones. She would do anything, say anything, for even a fraction of the attention either of her other sisters received._

 _"I won't, Mother, I promise."_

 _"That's my darling girl."_

 _The girl smiled happily as her mother ran her hand through the girl's hair as she moved forward to hug her mother._

…xXx…

Bellatrix woke when the bed shifted slightly, the movement jostling her from her light sleep. For once, her sleep had been interrupted by no dreams, only the foggy haze of nothingness.

"Why, Bella, why?" was all she heard as a drunken whisper, for a moment Bellatrix wondered if Rudolphus had known it was her that had left the passage light that bright as a punishment to him, before light snores filled the room. Envy filled Bellatrix as he watched him sleep in peace. If only _she_ could sleep in such peace, he obviously wasn't interrupted by _those_ dreams, or anything at all, as she was, and _he_ was the one who was never at home!

Bellatrix huffed as she left the bed, unable to stand being beside someone so privileged in sleep, while she was as deprived as she was. She could find something to do until dawn, something more useful than sleep, anyway. Bellatrix had a surprisingly large amount of free time recently, which meant more time to spend with Narcissa and her adorable son, who was about to start walking in the next couple of days by the look of things.

She wished she had a little girl of her own, someone she could protect with everything she had for as long as possible. It wasn't the same with a son. As much as Narcissa would want to hang on, at some point she would have to let go and watch Draco stand on his own. A daughter would always rely on her mother to some extent, and she would definitely _not_ be like her own mother who had played favourites. No, she would be better than her mother.

If only she was given a chance. She thought there would be one in the beginning of her marriage with Rodolphus, but now they were growing further apart and any hope of a child was beginning to trickle away. It simply wasn't fair! Bellatrix couldn't understand what had made Rudolphus become so distant! He always avoided the topic when she managed to bring it up with him too!

Was it because he thought she would be a bad mother? She wouldn't! Narcissa would never have let her near Draco if she was as awful as his avoidance suggested! Rudolphus was so frustrating!

Bellatrix hissed as she felt the stinging on her index finger. A bead of blood lay at the tip of her finger, and that was enough to bring her nightmare back to mind, forcing her to flinch violently sending the book on her lap to the floor with a dull thud.

Bellatrix felt tears prickle at her eyes. Why was she being punished like this? What had she done? She only wanted a precious little child to love, why was she being taunted by death and blood instead? Every waking moment, every dream, it was all covered in blood, punishment for something Bellatrix knew she hadn't done. Rodolphus's coldness, Narcissa's sad eyes, she had even found an apologetic letter from _Andromeda_ , whom she hadn't heard from in years. She couldn't understand it.

…xXx…

 _"I'm pregnant!"_

 _Brown eyes were filled with delight at the prospect. A little child, the gender didn't matter, but a little person she would be able to care for and love unconditionally._

 _A dark-haired man hugged her from behind, happiness filling him as he hugged the woman tightly. "We've been trying for long enough," he teased, his breath brushing against the woman's ear, causing her to giggle._

 _"We need to start planning a room! And everything we need! Oh! We have to tell everyone too!" the woman said, turning around to face the man while still remaining in his arms. She held him close in return, taking a few moments to breathe in the scent she loved so much._

 _"For tonight, let it be our little secret. We can share it with everyone else tomorrow, but for tonight, let our unborn child be just ours."_

 _"Why don't we keep our little one to ourselves, then? Let everyone guess!"_

…xXx…

The weather was beautiful, the skies were clear and the sun was cheerful. A good day for a walk around the garden, which was exactly what Bellatrix decided to do as soon as she saw the sun. The Lestrange gardens were a beautiful as ever, and Bellatrix often felt disappointed at how little time she spent in it. It was nothing like the dark and brooding manor she had grown up in.

The elves had obviously changed the flowers from the last time she had been there. The white lilies were definitely new, but she didn't think Rodolphus had been fond of white lilies. Bellatrix shrugged, she knew little about him nowadays anyway. It wouldn't be surprising if his favourite flower had changed too.

The roses were her favourite. The deep red ones especially, which were in full bloom now. All the flowers were, thanks to magic, but Bellatrix appreciated the roses the most, with their thorny protection.

There was something just behind it though. Bellatrix had never noticed that there before. Using her wand to cut away at the thorny branches that covered the strange object, the stone, or gravestone rather, became clearly visible.

 _Charlotte Lestrange_

 _Taken too soon_

Charlotte? Bellatrix's brow furrowed. She didn't remember a _Charlotte_ Lestrange in the Lestrange family tree that she had memorised. It couldn't be recent either, or she would have remembered it for the gravestone to have been placed in the Lestrange Manor.

Unless they had wanted to keep it quiet? Perhaps, she would have to ask Rodolphus about it. Or Rabastan, if Rodolphus proved to be evasive about this too.

As it was Rodolphus was out of the manor before she returned from the garden. Bellatrix supposed she would have to go to the next best person who wouldn't never lie to her.

"Cissy!" Bellatrix yelled through the fire.

A dishevelled Narcissa rushed towards the fire looking worried. Bellatrix took a moment to feel bad about the fact that Narcissa looked like she hadn't slept at all that night, and was still wearing the clothing Bellatrix had seen her wearing the previous day.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Narcissa sounded worried. It came to her so naturally that Bellatrix felt a pang of hopelessness.

"I don't know if you could tell me if you've ever heard of a 'Charlotte Lestrange'? I found a gravestone in the garden, but I'm pretty sure I've never heard of such a person."

Narcissa looked thoughtful, "Neither have I. I don't recall a person of that name ever existing, unless that was a nickname of some sort?"

Bellatrix shook her head, "I doubt it. That was the only thing written on the stone."

Narcissa yawned suddenly. "I'm sorry, Bella. Draco has been crying all night. Perhaps I'll think of something later?" Narcissa said, just as a shrill cry filled the room again, and Narcissa sighed.

"Cissy, I'll floo in and watch Draco for a while. You look like you need sleep," Bellatrix said, taking pity on her younger sister.

Narcissa gave her a thankful nod, attempting to suppress another yawn, as she waited for Bellatrix to enter the manor. She led Bellatrix to Draco's room, unnecessarily in Bellatrix's opinion, and waited for the cries to die down, before disappearing down the corridor to her own chambers.

It was night when Bellatrix returned to the empty Lestrange Manor. It felt like only ghosts lived within its darkened walls now. Feeling like one herself, Bellatrix fell onto her bed.

…xXx…

 _"It's a girl! It's a girl!"_

 _The man smiled indulgently. He had hoped to have an heir, but his wife's happiness stopped any regret he might have had._

 _"I can dress her up all I want, and teach her which boys are only worth a jinx-"_

 _"You would know all about that, wouldn't you?" the man smiled, "I was nearly one of those boys, wasn't I?"_

 _"Of course not!" the woman said, black hair whipping around her face as she turned to stick her tongue out at her husband. "I jinxed you at first sight anyway!"_

 _The man faux scowled, "Then I'm just going to have to get back at you, aren't I?"_

 _The woman's eyes widened, "No! No! Stop!" as the man begun tickling her._

…xXx…

A single, pained, brown eye stared at her, the empty socket next to it making her uneasy. The face was nearly familiar from all the times she had seen it before. The girl's black hair framed her face in strands, some of which stuck to the skinless flesh on her face.

"Why? Why did you do it?"

"I didn't do anything! I don't know you! Who are you?" Bellatrix was frantic, she couldn't move. She was stuck here, waiting to for the girl to do whatever she planned to her.

A single tear fell from the girl's only eye, blood red as it slid down her rotting cheek.

"Why did you choose him over me?"

"I don't know you! Why are you doing this?" Bellatrix screamed, tears of frustration falling from her eyes.

"Why did you let me die?"

"Why wouldn't I? I don't know you! Why would I risk myself to save someone I don't know?"

Another bloody tear fell. More skin peeled off the child's face.

"You said you loved me, Mummy."

And suddenly, suddenly the girl was a mix of both her and Rudolphus. The memories rushed back with a vengeance. The trickle of tears turned into a river.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

And Bellatrix remembered.

 **Written for September Back to School Challenge: Maroon**

 **Written for Ultimate Chocolate Frog Card Trading and Duelling Club: Honoria Nutcombe: Write a psychological!AU**

 **Written for Open Category 4: Death Eaters**

 **Written for D &D Harry Potter Challenge [BEANS]**

 **Written for Quidditch League Round 13: Wigtown Wanderers Beater 2**


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